Lily Dunn on memoir, voice and transformation.
A conversation with Lily Dunn
I spoke to Lily Dunn just before the publication of Into Being, her book about memoir writing and the radical craft of telling your own story. Memoir at its heart is all about telling your story in your own voice, which couldn’t be more aligned with How You Find Your Voice. From talking to Lily, it became clear that memoir is often less about self-expression and more about claiming authority over your own life.
How You Find Your Voice podcast artwork, featuring Lily Dunn.
Lily is the author of Sins of My Father, a powerful memoir about growing up in the orbit of her father’s involvement in a 1970s cult, and the long psychological legacy that left in its wake. In this conversation, we talk about what memoir really asks of a writer, why editors matter so much, and why writing from lived experience can be both destabilising and deeply empowering.
This episode is for anyone who feels drawn to writing their own story but is unsure whether they’re allowed to. Or whether it’s worth the cost.
What we talk about
Why memoir is not just a series of events but an act of meaning-making
The role of editors and mentors in helping writers see what they cannot yet see themselves
How writing memoir requires separating yourself from your life and learning to see yourself as a character
Why confidence and authority often come late in the memoir process, not at the beginning
The relationship between therapy, psychoanalysis, and reflective writing
Why women often struggle more than men to give themselves permission to write honestly
The fear of hurting family members and how writers learn to live with that fear
Memoir as an act of generosity rather than self-absorption
What happens when private stories are made public, and why the aftermath is rarely what we imagine
A moment I keep thinking about
Lily talks about the shift that happened late in the writing of Sins of My Father, when her editor encouraged her to “lean into the narrative”; a phrase that unlocked something fundamental for her. It marked the difference between writing scenes and writing memoir.
In memoir, the reflective voice matters. This is what Lily describes as the “dual narrative”, the adult voice looking back, finding meaning, drawing connections, and making sense of what happened. Lily describes this as the moment she realised she was allowed to tell the reader what she thought, that her understanding had value. This is the difference between recounting events and offering insight; it’s what brings value to the reader and makes it universal.
However, for many writers, especially women, permission to do this is the hardest part.
Why this conversation matters
Memoir is often dismissed as indulgent or self-obsessed. Lily’s work makes a compelling case for the opposite. The best memoirs are driven by inquiry, courage, and a refusal to accept the official version of a story that never quite rang true.
As Lily puts it, many people are drawn to memoir because they have never had the chance to be properly heard. Writing becomes a way of reclaiming voice, not just for the writer, but for readers who recognise themselves in the story.
This conversation is also a reminder that publishing a memoir is not just about catharsis. It is about craft, time, an unflinching look at yourself and the past. It’s about rigour and ethics. It’s ultimately and act of bravery; the self-examination required and the willingness to stand by the work even when it is uncomfortable.
Listen to the full episode
You can listen to the full conversation with Lily Dunn on the How You Find Your Voice podcast here.